SHOOT ‘EM UP is hands-down the worst piece of self-indulgent pretentious trash American cinema has yet produced. Wait, PRETENTIOUS?!? Isn’t it mindless fun? Wild action? Crazy choreography and ridiculous over-the-top black comedy gold? Aren’t these elements the precise opposite of “pretentious”? No, they’re not. And you know why? Because we as a culture think they’re the bee’s knees. We think they make something worthwhile, inventive, electrifying, thought-provoking, entertaining, and a perfect platform for social and philosophical commentary. Or, well…director Michael Davis sure does.
SHOOT ‘EM UP is the worst movie I have ever seen. I’ve seen lower budget movies, with far worse acting, wretched cinematography, and production values cheaper than a can of Cheez Whiz. But none of those horrid turd nuggets smelled as bad as SHOOT ‘EM UP, or were as nauseating to sit and consume for 80+ minutes, 80+ minutes that dragged on to feel like 800+ minutes. I’ve seen 300. I hated 300. But SHOOT ‘EM UP was worse. It’s…well, let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
Clive Owen stars in the male lead, a down-and-out, seemingly homeless bum who has a grimy face but still his good looks and entire arsenal of kick-ass action skills (it seems no matter how many months/years/whatever one sleeps on a bench and drinks liquor, one never falls out of shape or even gets tight hamstrings when one is an action star). Mr. Owen spots a women running from armed men, and grudgingly decides to (oh, bother!) stand up and help her, which he does by slaughtering all the armed men, while simultaneously delivering the woman’s baby. He munches on a carrot while he does this to boot. Where does he get these freshly-peeled water-wet carrots? One of the great mysteries of the movie, but to say such a thing is to make the movie sound mysterious, or even kitschy-cool, which it is not.
Continue reading about Shoot ‘Em Up – The Worst American Movie Ever Made
From General Jinjur Productions comes a brand new graphic novel epic, a nifty damn twist on an otherwise cliche cliche (yes, that’s a cliche turned so cliched it becomes a cliche as an overused cliche!)
Originally written for and posted on BROKEN FRONTIER dot com – here’s my very honest review of these upstart newcomers:
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Charlatan: Preludes GN |
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Original graphic novels are forever mixed blessings: it’s a big chunk of comic book entertainment in one fell swoop, no waiting a month or two or three or four before the next meager 22-page sequel; on the other hand, if it’s bad, it’s a big chunk of super-horrid badness that cannot be denied or forgiven, neither for the price (which is usually less than the combined cost of single issues, but psychology being what it is, we forgive anything that outlasts our ADD emotional response time) nor the fact that so much effort was put forth by both artist and writer to produce something inexplicably, fundamentally worthless. My bad habit, which has biblically plagued me for 1,000 years of solitude (or so it seems) is that I fish-jump at the offer to procure a new meaty tome of four-color splendor, then instantaneously regret, the remembrance of things past settling into my stomach, my head, often my eyes (they start to hurt, sense memory kicking in) as I recall such monstrosities of GN justice as…well, I won’t name names, but there are many OGNs I’ve never reviewed. Even though I was supposed to.
I am really happy that Charlatan: Preludes does not fall into this category (obviously, since you’re reading this!). Like a boulder rolling down a mountain, that mountain being the overwrought and overdone “Chosen One” savior-of-the-universe paradigm, creators Gil Lawson and Eliseu “Zeu” Gouveia heedlessly (almost recklessly) hurl themselves through what should be death-dealing heights and sail themselves over treacherous-deep gorges, avoiding every pitfall and, surprisingly, for once, descend down perhaps the sole unpopulated side remaining to this highly inhabited monument of subgenre. So assured are these creators, that Charlatan offers something worthwhile and different, that they charge in with pure pastiche and emerge on the other side with a story unique unto itself, yet charged with an energy and classicism culled from everything mainstream readers adore about spandex, space opera, and fantasy books.
Continue reading about CHARLATAN: PRELUDES Graphic Novel – Review
I recently “Inter-Reviewed” writer Robert M. Heske on his earlier Cold Blooded Chillers collections—single-issue anthologies dedicated to suburban-based horror yarns in the slasher, thriller, monster (and more) genres—and now he’s gone and published his third and (for the time being) final installment. And this one is weird with a capital “wuh”.
Earlier issues dealt with mundane (literally – as in “down to earth”) 
matters such as serial killers, haunted houses, things easy to wrap one’s head around albeit often Heske tossed in a deft little twist to keep things interesting. However CBC #3 is out-and-out Twilight Zone material, the final story in fact a lengthy finale very much worth (and possibly even requiring) a second reading to understand its many minutiae. Which isn’t to say the suburbia-angle is missing: Heske kicks off inside (what is for him) familiar territory with a pedophilia-focused short, although things swiftly shift from gritty realism to surreal paranormality (not a word, but it should be). Then we segue into story #2, dealing with, on the surface, a haunted Aquarium, though only one security guard seems to notice its existence. Thematically, it’s this second story that drives home the symmetry of CBC #3 as a whole: it’s a bizarrely perfect inverse to story #1, a completely different approach to telling, cleverly, the exact same story only with new faces and a switcheroo in roles.
All well and good, I was truly digging the issue by the end of story #2, and Olympic-dove head-first into the third and last…and man, if anyone else out there can tell me what the heck was going on in this last of the last, please dear god email me and let me know! All you Grant Morrison fans out there who actually understood the last issue of The Invisibles and Final Crisis, this one’s for you. Help a brother out. Though to caveat: it’s certainly the most ambitious story Heske has attempted inside the whole CBC repertoire, roping together numerology, Mayan Myth, aliens, other dimensions, multiple lifes, and, I think, even more—it’s a bit of a smorgasbord, an all-you-can-eat weird-end-of-the-genre buffet. It’s therefore the longest and most epic story told in CBC to boot. Heske expertly paces his oddity; and for all my confusion, I was sucked right in, dying to understand every nuance, and discover the ultimate destination the story was leading to. Sadly, after two thorough reading, I haven’t a clue to what the final pages inferred. There’s a “Forum” section up above (you’ll see the tab). Read CBC #3. Go to the Forums. Go to “Reviews”. Find “Cold Blooded Chillers #3” in “Reviews” in “Forum”. Give me your take on this one. I’d be very curious to know.
Continue reading about Cold Blooded Chillers #3 from Heske Horror – REVIEW!
New Review (well, kinda old actually – I’m late in posting this) of Brian Andersen’s REIGNBOW AND DEE-VA One-Shot
Published by Andersen’s own CBG Comics, this is the second series of his I’ve critiqued, with a third and fourth to come (soon, promise).
Here we go!
Reignbow and Dee-Va #1
Review by Dave Baxter, posted February 09, 2009
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So Super Duper was Brian Andersen’s first comic work, which I rave-reviewed here, and it’s a book that has since begun serialization online at the Newsarama blog (you can read the ongoing SSD adventures by clicking this – updates every Tuesday and Thursday). Looking to stretch his wings beyond the SSD universe, though this might easily (and perhaps does) fit within the already-established framework despite its “one-shot” and “stand-alone” 
status, Andersen scripted Reignbow and Dee-Va. It’s a book that is, believe it or not, even more whimsical, irreverent, and charmingly unselfconscious than what has come before.
Working with Studio 407 – as I do now – one of the more interesting subjects to arise from our pairing is handling the PR (or some of it – the gig’s only part-time) for the upcoming SMUGGLING SPIRITS HC GN slipcase edition, which also happens to be an extended “Director’s Cut” version of the work with 12 additional pages fleshing out the ending to what the creators envisioned in the first place.
This is “interesting” because SMUGGLING SPIRITS, by writer Ben Fisher and jaw-dropping artist Mike Henderson, used to be with online digital publisher, Ambrosia Publishing, and way back when I did a hefty write-up on Ambrosia and – even then – had singled out SMUGGLING SPIRITS as the most promising property the company was then carrying. Now, approximately a year and a half later, after my first review of the book, it’s seen a two-volume printing via Ambrosia, to critical acclaim but little fan or reader fanfare, shouldered through the collapse of Ambrosia (though the publisher says he’ll be back, and hopefully soon, and hopefully with a better game plan than he had originally), and now the book lies in the hands of the impressive newcomer STUDIO 407. And I call them “impressive” not because I work for them, but rather reverse that – I work for them because I call them “impressive”.
So we’ve all heard of – and most of us have seen – the movie LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, which was heralded as a “startling and irresistible dark comedy”, received a 92% on Rotten Tomatoes.com and recieved the much sought after “A” from Joel Siegel. This was most impressive because it was an independent film, directed by two experienced music video directors, boasting an all-star cast, filmed on a budget of 8…million…uhm…following a screenplay by a first-time writer who sold it to the producers for $150,000 and the whole shebang produced by a major…studio….
Wait. How the hell can something be produced by a studio, have multi-million budget, name stars, and more, and more, and be considered “independent”? What the hell have we been smoking?
We’ve been smoking the big Hollywood inbred bullshit pipe, saying small(er) films are the new independent, don’t settle for less, don’t settle for a true shoestring budget production by nobodies when you can have high production values (just not too high) and name stars (just not too name) and isn’t this so much better? Let’s call these films “independent”, and let’s forget about all those films not connected to the bloated Hollywood organism. Just forget them. Concentrate on us, on Hollywood. We make indy movies, too. Yes? Yes. Much better.
But once upon a time, there were true-blue trail-blazers. Films like, oh…PARTY GIRL by director Daisy von Scherler Mayer.
Continue reading about A REAL Independent Movie – PARTY GIRL
Americans know Lars von Trier for the awesome, awesome, awesome (if utterly depressing) DANCER IN THE DARK starring the awesome, awesome, awesome (and cracked out of her mind) Bjork. Also von Trier hit the American mainstream big-time for the Award-winning DOGVILLE with de love-er-ly Kim Basinger. But beyond these two more known works, Lars came of age with the DOGMA movement (no relation to DOGVILLE), calling for natural lighting and camera techniques, trying to de-fantasize the film industry. DOGMA didn’t last long, but it had a mighty impact, and von Trier to this day is seen as a cutting edge filmmaker, even though most of his films are relatively within the bounds of whatever the zeitgeist of the moment, and BEFORE Dogma his films were borderline conventional.
Here’s the proof: EUROPA. A true-blue thriller, and a damn fine one at that. Here’s a peek of my co-writer Gillian’s review:
Time for my latest blah blah blah article on digital distribution and publishing! Oh, boy!
The third installment of KILLING THE GRIZZLY is on its way, but while we wait, here’s the first eBOOK SPOTLIGHT, a series of scribbling that will, as its name suggests, spotlight a different comic or book that is right this very minute braving the dangers of online distribution and publication. eBS will run in-between each KtG, so alternately, every two weeks or thereabouts. That’s the game plan, anywho. And since I’m writing these FOR a professional online News Blog, I suppose I’m gonna have to meet the deadlines! *gulp*
Anyway, here’s the sneak peek, to see if you give a toss enough to check out the whole thing (it’s long, you’ve been warned):
E-Book Spotlight #1: MISERY DEPOT
Written By: Dave Baxter
Subtitle: The Consumerist Clout of the Creative Commons
Folks can talk all they want about the theory behind digital publishing and distribution, of free marketing and the economics of intangible e-products. We can argue the pros and cons and the realities and the pie-in-the-sky dreams until it’s no longer a debate but instead a cold hard reality, one way or the other. On the other hand, there are some that have already made this a reality, not waiting for the future to overtake them. The brave few that are riding the white water rapids of e-comic publishing without the comforting landlines of a pro print career or built-in fan base. We’re here now not just to philosophize, but to look at what’s realistically going on right this very minute with specific digital publishers….
Probably the best horror OGN I’ve ever read. By Gabriel Hardman, the artist of THE WIND RAIDER (see this previous post), and scripted by Corinne Sara Bechko, writer of the ZUDA COMICS entry “THE CROOKED MAN” (also drawn by Hardman), I’d like to take a moment to rave about HEATHENTOWN.
Here’s the cover:
As can be seen from the cover, and, oh, from these little snippets…
Real impressive new comic came out this Wednesday (January 20th – that’s 2009 if you’re reading this way in the future, or way in the past using a time machine no one even today, your future, knows about) from APE ENTERTAINMENT. #1 is an over-sized issue of genre love that kicks off the first three-issue mini of a much grander epic – THE WIND RAIDER.
Not only is the story impressive – nothing ground-breaking but nevertheless it’s a unique blend of eastern/western, Star Wars meets Sojourn (for you comic buffs who remember Crossgen) or let’s call it FIST OF THE NORTH STAR meets LORD OF THE RINGS. Which sounds bloody awesome, doesn’t it? I won’t give anything away, but needless to say, the story is highly…